I’m having one of those days today. I was going to write a review on here. Couldn’t be bothered. I was going to contribute to Listography. Couldn’t be bothered either. There are also various emails I need to send, housework to be done, plants to be planted, weeds to be weeded. Poof! Not gonna do it.
I guess I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself as people often do, but in me it manifests itself in laziness. If I could crawl under the duvet and stay there I cheerfully would, but you can’t when you’re the mummy can you? I sometimes did that when we had no kids – on the very odd occasion (gasp) I even called in sick to work for no other reason than feeling like I just couldn’t be fagged to get out of bed – that’s a terrible thing to admit isn’t it? But now, that’s all over and even if I’m bleeding out my eyes, I still have to get up and look after small people.
I don’t know why I bring this up today. I don’t know why I bring this up at all as I don’t usually tell people when I’m feeling down, as I genuinely think why the hell would they care, but I feel the need to write something down just to stop this ole’ blog being a collection of poorly written reviews and memes. It’s supposed to be about me, so why the hell not?
I’m having one of those periods in which I feel like I should be doing more, being more and creating something. I joined the BaM programme, but can’t find the oomph to make a go of any kind of ideas. I think that’s getting me down too – I’m trying to sort out some freelance work, but am being unsuccessful. Is this because I don’t have the skills, or – I don’t know, perhaps I’m not pushing it hard enough. Perhaps I’m just not good enough.
That’s the crux of my bad mood I suppose – perhaps I’m just not good enough. At anything. That’s what I feel like most of the time, that’s what I think people think about me so maybe it’s true.
I’m not expecting answers. I don’t know what I want – maybe that’s a problem too. All I know now is I’d better press publish before I delete this whole thing.
I still might.